There are small 13" informational television screens installed into the ceilings of every metro car in Berlin that have for the last few weeks been advertising an "underground film festival" (exclusively for the subway). Naturally I was interested and had intended to check the thing out. Surprisingly, I didn't need to: the "festival" began today and the chosen films are being shown directly on these 13" screens on a 20 minute loop with the rest of the daily news and information. For the already laden shoulders of the daily public transport commuter, this festival is too much of a burden to bear. Two films were shown today, which of course must be shown without sound. The first had a number 3 next to it, so I assume, third place, which was a poorly animated short from Russia with a banal storyline about a dog and a computer gamer. Despite the idiocy of it, the ideas that went into the animation were fairly original and semi-enjoyable if only the character portrayals could somehow be ignored.

Next came a black and white short from Germany with a four next to it. Fourth place, I geuss. I'll just describe the shot layout and you judge for yourself. 1. A plump girl with black makeup sits in subway station, looks at watch, is angered, annoyed. 2. Plump girl is now at kiosk, buys cookies. 3. Close up of cookies, they are named "baby cakes" (in German). 4. Strange go-t'd man eyes camera. 5. Plump girl places cookies on a table, begins reading magazine. 6. Strange go-t'd man eyes camera further. 7. Plump girl moves her purse onto the table, looks annoyed again. 8. Strange go-t'd man looks compelled, licks lips, grabs a cookie from a package of cookies...

I want to stress here that there is absolutely no establishing shot to lead up to a point where the bearded fellow could be at the same table as the fat girl, much less an idea of space or similar surroundings that would infer this idea...

9. Plump girl is schocked, annoyed, eats a cookie. 10. Strange man is shocked, compelled, eats another cookie, quickly. 11. Plump girl is offended, eats second cookie rapidly. 12. Man is intrigued, possibly horny, eats third cookie. 13. Plumpo places a cookie on the filthy subway table, places a second on top of this cookie. 14. Girl eyes direction of what is assumed to be man defiantly. 15. Man returns gaze as if he has been affronted, eats another cookie voraciously, fast-motion shot... 16. - 20. Here commences a montage of the two slamming cookies into their maws... 21. Chubby girl picks up last cookie and with extreme wrath cries out as she lunges the cookie towards the camera. 22. Man cries out in anguish as a cookie is slammed and crumbled against his forehead. 23. Girl looks off in random direction angered, picks up purse and slings it onto shoulder, looks quizzically at subway table, picks up packet of cookies in astonishment. THE END.

I commute in this city around an hour a day, so unfortunately I have been subjected to this sin against filmmaking 3 times already and God only knows for how many days it will run. There is no shot at the end to explain why she looks upon the cookie wrapper with such confusion, but when I squinted at the tiny screen, I think I saw that the cookie packet was never opened. It infuriates the hell out of me that a group of filmmakes gathered around this script and said "that's bloody brilliant!" and then to further add to the failings of society, a committee of what are probably experienced adults watched this exercise in gluttony and decided it was worthy to be screened 72 times a day on 4 small screens in every car of every subway train in Berlin to the unwitting and unconsenting masses of the city. I have borne witness to entirely too many films by the capriciuosly untalented throng of people who continuously try to stupid their way into the industry. It doesn't bother me anymore how there seems to be so many of them or that they somehow seem to have more access to funds and equipment than I do, but I have become much more annoyed at myself by the fact that I can't help but try to gleam some sort of meaning from the films of theirs that make it to market. The curse of my theoretical studies degree from UCSB. Cookies... what the hell could cookies mean... why are they ghost cookies... is this a feminist or an anti-homeless piece... so many fucking questions.