How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: Simon Pegg’s Mulligan
Part One: I’m in the mood for a hand job analogy
As everybody is aware, Simon Pegg is British which automatically makes him funny and Megan Fox is well…to be honest I can’t remember for the life of me if she can even act or what her voice sounds like for that matter, but she is fucking hot. So one would think that these two starring in a movie would be fantastic. But, like a thumb up the ass during a hand job, I was taken by surprise and shocked by how painful it was. It was utterly awkward and a total fucking mess by the time it was over. I could only last 15 minutes before I threw in the towel on this one, after which I decided to make myself a sandwich.
Part Deux: I’m in the mood for a Hitler analogy
The fact that I only watched the first 15 minutes before tapping out might lead some of you organic give-it-a-chance type liberals to question my validity in my analysis of this movie. But this is how I look at it: If you were to look at Hitler after he killed, lets say 1,000 Jews, you wouldn’t really need to follow his career any longer to determine that he was a terrible person, no matter what he could have done after that to make up for his prior transgressions. And after that statement I am sure some of you organic oh-my-god-you-just-comparred-this-movie-to-the-Holocaust-you-insenstive-prick type liberals are probably thinking, “Oh my god you just compared this movie to the Holocaust you insensitive prick.” But this is how I look at it: I am Jewish so I think that makes it okay for me, just like black people using the “N” word. Plus, after I wrote this review I donated 5 dollars to the Jewish Community Foundation of Los Angeles (Shameless Plug ).
Part III: All you’ve done is talk about hand jobs and Hitler, what about the actual movie?
It really sucks.
Part 4: I’ve learned nothing from this movie review except that you are a slanderous pervert, is there anything else you want to say before I rent this movie?
Yes, I thought this was creative:
