So the other day, my grandmother took me to see Reign Over Me on senior discount movie day at our local theatre. The film features Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle who give the performances of their lives and do magnificently in portraying the rarely seen emotional side of men. The supporting cast is equally phenomenal and serve to highlight both the comedic and dramatic elements of this work that make it such a masterpiece. In short, Adam Sandler is a 9-11 widower who has lost his way and is more id than ego and Don Cheadle a forty something dentist looking for more than what his mundane life can provide him. Together, through trial and tribulation they help each other to find a middle ground; a path it turns out that they can both take together. I give this movie a 9.5/10 and recommend it to all.
***Disclaimer: I must warn the potential viewer to NEVER see any movie on senior discount day. I was easily the youngest person in the theatre by a solid 50 years. These people were fucking old; like knocking on deaths door old and by knocking I mean violently hitting it with an axe. I actually think I saw the Grim Reaper sitting two rows behind me. Luckily I had a notepad on me and managed to take down some things I observed and they go as follows:
1. Old people don't give a shit: They really don't, if they want to do something, they will do it. In the middle of an important dialogue between Sandler and Cheadle, this old bitch right next to me starts talking to her husband on the phone. This is how the interaction went down:
Me: Could you please be quiet?
Old Bitch: No, it’s important!
Me: At least go outside then, you are disturbing everybody!
Old Bitch: SHUT UP DAN!
Me: Geez grandma, take it easy
2. Old people fart: No joke, this old lady kept farting (approx. 3 times) throughout the movie. I hope for her sake she just had flabby butt-cheeks because if not she was definitely shitting herself. They were those moist sounding ones that start deep and end on a high A-note, the kind where you have to immediately pucker your asshole and run to the bathroom and give an emergency wipe to keep your underwear from looking like Dale Earnheart Jr. just peeled out in them.
3. Old people are racist, really really racist: I kind of knew this before going into the movie but it carried over in the movie theatre. My grandmother and I were about the 20th row back which is pretty far back for this theatre and there was NOBODY in front of us. Why you ask? Is it because old people don't like the high decibel volume blaring from the front? Is it because old people don't like the strain that sitting close to the screen puts on your eyes? NO, it’s because old people don't like Don Cheadle because he is black! I know what a bunch of assholes.
4. Old people are unoriginal: All old people are the same and here are some examples.
i. Old people come in only two shapes, morbidly obese or crypt keeper skinny.
ii. Old people smell like stale air and TONS of cheap perfume. I walked into the theatre (we were the last ones in because old people fucking love being early to places) and immediately collapsed from the fumes emanating from these people (I've huffed permanent markers less potent). Luckily I Commandeered this old dude’s oxygen tank and was able to make it to the middle of the theatre away from the noxious fumes. I would have returned the tank but I couldn’t go back. This leads me to my next point.
iii. Old people love oxygen. Everybody there had an oxygen tank and all I could think is that old people are such followers. Now I know what you are thinking:
You: "Dan, you might need an oxygen tank when you get that old so wouldn't that make you a poser as well?"
Me: “Hell naw, check my shit out!”
You: “Wow Dan, you are really bad at editing photos.”
Me: “Man, I guess its opposite day!”
You: “That was really immature; I haven’t heard that shit since the 4th grade and…”
Me: “I win!”
So in summary…see this movie!
