Everything in this movie is on ADD. Nothing ever stops moving and no character stops talking. You can feel all the off-screen characters nervously scratching the back of their neck and impatiently looking around craving their next chance to speak. And when they do, words come out of their mouths like an avalanche.

Every single pissant character in this film will drive you up a wall. And every character you never wanted to see again from the first film is back! And more hair-brained than ever! Plus there is a whole slew of new characters, each one of them created in the same racially insensitive vein of Jar-Jar Binks and each will make you want to rip the stuffing out of your chairs armrest.

There are two new autobots who seem to have no purpose but to bumble around and talk like slack jawed brainless fools. They're modeled after cars that are marketed to the 'urban' community, they walk with a limp, they have big ears, golden teeth that seem to be ill-cared-for, they speak crass jive, and get this, they even can't read. Where is Jesse Jackson on this one?

There's also a new latino sidekick to the two human heroes. Every time this guy talked I imagined him dancing around the screen, waving his arms and shaking his head back and forth with some sort of LSD trip scene in the background. His every word startles you and makes your ears bleed from stupidity. There is a strong possibility he will be in the third one.

So if you can't stand the things the people are saying and the people saying them, why go? Giant robot battles. But... ugh... It's like asking how do you fuck up a grilled cheese sandwich. Someone out there can fuck it up and that person is Michael Bay.

Every slick and impressing piece of action is interrupted by his need to cut away to one of the pissant characters trying to make a joke. The only good fight scene takes place in a forest and I commend everything done in that scene while scorning everything else in the movie. Speaking of jokes, there is no end to the sheer lameness of humor that you will be subjected to in Transformers: Rise of the Fallen. Pointless, poorly-conceived and frustratingly dumb jokes will refuse to stop hitting your synapses. Just like how every single shot of the last 20 minutes of the film has a massive explosion in it: it's mind-blowing. And while those last 20 minutes are pretty cool, I never thought I would say this, too much shit blew up.

I went in knowing I would be pissed off a bit, but the hope was that the spectacle of giant robots at war would outweigh whatever Bay could throw at me. In the end I lost. There are even transformers who can take on human form... And their is a 'fallen' transformer who is over 19,000 years old. The whole movie, I was wondering what he would tranform into, being as old as he is. He doesn't transform, the guy can teleport! What are the tranformers of this day and age doing roving around as trucks and sports cars? And if a bunch of mini-transformers started attacking your home, wouldn't you ask your transformer-savior son where they came from? I guess if the movie moves fast enough, you don't have time to wonder.